..a time to be born and a time to die....

January 24th is the 4th death anniversary year of my grandfather. A dreaded time i never wanted to face. I had always had felt that timing was everything, so when this passing came,the timing wasn't welcomed.




When I turned 17, my Pappy was diganosied with Alzheimer disease. These words I never wanted to hear!!! I knew that this was going to be a long road. A long road that would lead to a bitter goodbye. I remember that year having a converastion with my grandfather out in the woods, in our sanctuary. He began the conversation about the unceratiny of life and what he was about to go through. Knowing that he was going to slowly lose his mind, he said "it wont be me, I won't know what i'm saying, know i still care about you". He asked me to promise that we would all take care of him and not to leave him in a nursing home. I told him "I swear" and the conversation ended in a hug and sharing a ham sandwich on the forrest floor. That was the last time I had a heart to heart with him. <3



The next few years were rough. Slowly, things he loved started to be taken away. He was no longer allowed to drive, have his firearms or work with tools. For someone who was always working or using his hands was all the sudden summoned to sit still and no longer allowed to do anything. He started to forget simple things till it finally came to a point he didnt even know that he was living in his own house at that his wife was HIS wife. This disease started to strip the man I knew away. He no longer knew my name and started to call me stupid. When once his eyes would light up when i walked through the door, he would look at me dazed and confused and say "who are you?"



A week before my grandfather was a couple days before my bridal shower we got the call that things weren't looking so good. By the time I got down there it was to late. Although I told him goodbye a few days before, I just wanted to say it one more time! Looking back and reflecting on the memory of him sometimes makes my heart happy and sad all at the same time. This heartache was more then I thought I could bare..the only comfort that i kept reapting to myself as we laid him in the ground, is that it's not him, he's with the Lord, no longer here! He knows my name and that i cared for him even when he didnt know at the time. He is in his right mind now and that is the sweet PEACE that only my Jesus can give me.